Hurt, hurt and owwwh!

[purplerabbit]

Yesterday was the first time we had to send Rowan back since I got off the mood altering prescriptions. Damn, damn and yecch!

First the crying and crying. Then the numbness. Then the rage. Then cried myself to sleep.

I think I forget sometimes how much rage is a part of grief. The horrible anger at having someone you love taken away from you. The way helplessness makes one want to lash out. Yecch!

Sorry uncledark. I love you.

I even got angry at folks for not responding to my posts yesterday and was very tempted to cancel my livejournal account. Sigh. I hope today will be better.

Today I am so very tired. Up early, I am not really sleepy but very weary. Please let today be better.

Comments

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

(hugs)

[beanolc.livejournal.com]

If I had read your post yesterday, I surely would have commented. As it is, I'm playing catch up today.

There is no insight I can offer, because I have never felt the pain of a mother having to say goodbye to her child. However, I have had to say goodbye to someone I loved desperately. It never matters that you'll see him soon, because he's not there now. He is always with you, but when your arms remember the feel of a hug or when your nose remembers a scent, it's small consolation.

I'm thinking of all of you as you go through this.

gentle hugs

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

I read your post and should have responded. But it seemed no matter what I thought of writing it was trite and wouldn't ease your pain at all.

But you were thought of and still are.

If I wasnt running like a chicken with my head cut off for the next couple of days I'd come over and give you a hug. For now, the virtual hugs will have to do.

And thank you again for making me feel so welcome in your home.

[the-misha.livejournal.com]

Hey there. I didn't comment on your posts largely because I've been frightfully busy, but also because I don't know what to say other than, "That sucks, and I'm sorry you're hurting," and I felt bad for not having more to say. But then, I suppose that's still better than silence, isn't it?

So, for what it's worth: that really sucks, and I'm very sorry you're hurting, Dawn. :(

[tiggrrl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what devafall said. I read your posts and wanted to find a way to respond, but I didn't know what to say, and I was worried about saying something that might end up accidentally sounding insensitive or something (I have a terrible habit of putting my foot in my mouth at exactly the wrong moment without even knowing that I've done it, so sometimes I decide that silence is a better option). So here's an e-hug: (())

[perlandria.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for being silent when you needed people talking. Being very remote from your lives, and seeing pain as a very intimate thing I didn't even think of saying anything. What could I say? I have no handle on the level of love, loss, betrayal and hope tied up in Rowan. It is part of why I haven't even tried to approach your house to visit while he was here. Your time is so short, why dilute it with strangers? And it sounds like your house keeps a fairly even schedule when he is here, just like he is a normal part of your life and I think that is wonderful. But still, the whole situation is kind of precious and I didn't feel I had any right to comment.
I'm glad you kept the account. Thank you.

[lady-equine.livejournal.com]

Awwww, sweetheart. We are here and supportive of your pain.

The strength of your family to bear this tragedy, over and over and over again, simply astounds me. The love of Rowan for each of you and your love for that darling, golden boy endures through it all. Endures and thrives. You all belong to each other and nothing will sever that tie now. Time will win your long war for you, and in the end, your family will have won out, to be a united family once again.

Dear lady, we here you. Dear lady, we are there for you. Dear lady, we hurt for you and our hearts break to watch your pain. We love you. And we miss you.

[uncledark.livejournal.com]

I love you, too.

[weirdodragoncat.livejournal.com]

I'm embarrassed. As one of your best friends, I really should have made a comment. But, as everyone else has said, anything I thought of to say sounded hollow. I will try to do better next time. I'm so sorry for what you continually have to go through. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to have to send Victoria away for months at a time. I think it would almost kill me. I love you and hope that the pain at least eases a bit soon.

[ciarhwyfar.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

I am looking into getting a new laptop so that I am not out of touch every time I go out of town (which is a whole lot right now). It often takes me so long to get caught up when I do get home.

I do understand how you feel and wish that there was something I could do to make it hurt less.

Love you.

[polydreamz.livejournal.com]

words fail me. perhaps in touch i will be able to communicate what needs 'saying'. missing you also, honey. {{hugs}} until thurs.