Hurt, hurt and owwwh!

[purplerabbit]

Yesterday was the first time we had to send Rowan back since I got off the mood altering prescriptions. Damn, damn and yecch!

First the crying and crying. Then the numbness. Then the rage. Then cried myself to sleep.

I think I forget sometimes how much rage is a part of grief. The horrible anger at having someone you love taken away from you. The way helplessness makes one want to lash out. Yecch!

Sorry uncledark. I love you.

I even got angry at folks for not responding to my posts yesterday and was very tempted to cancel my livejournal account. Sigh. I hope today will be better.

Today I am so very tired. Up early, I am not really sleepy but very weary. Please let today be better.

Comments

[perlandria.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for being silent when you needed people talking. Being very remote from your lives, and seeing pain as a very intimate thing I didn't even think of saying anything. What could I say? I have no handle on the level of love, loss, betrayal and hope tied up in Rowan. It is part of why I haven't even tried to approach your house to visit while he was here. Your time is so short, why dilute it with strangers? And it sounds like your house keeps a fairly even schedule when he is here, just like he is a normal part of your life and I think that is wonderful. But still, the whole situation is kind of precious and I didn't feel I had any right to comment.
I'm glad you kept the account. Thank you.