Nightmares again...
Sep. 6th, 2002 09:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
purplerabbitI have always been prone to nightmares. Lately they are all I seem to get when I sleep. Last nights were mundane but upsetting.
In one I had tickets to Amsterdam but knew I didn't have time to use them. Rushed to the airport only to miss the plane. The tickets were very expensive. They wouldn't let me change the ticket. I just lost the money and the trip. This is a reoccurring dream of lost opportunities. Last time it was London.
The other one was very complicated but the hard part involved loss again. This time I was at a gas station. I saw a truck and realized that the boxes and furniture it was loaded with were mine. When I confronted the driver he told me that they were a charity and the stuff had been donated. Then I remembered that I had rented another house but forgot to move in, pay the rent or contact the owner. These are the things that I had put in the garage. I have this one repeatedly too. It usual involves me forgetting to pay a bill or follow through on some plan and the disastrous results.
I am also having migraines several times a week. I usually get them just before my period, but they are getting more frequent and more powerful. Headaches I could handle, but the full body nausea is too much.
Stressed? Yes. We are behind in our bills, I have so much paperwork to do for mom that it frightens me. Then there is taking care of mom and trying to reorganize the house. Everything feels critical. I am afraid that if I don't do everything now and just right my life will be ruined. I have an intense desire to hide until it all goes away.
I realized the other day that fear has been a constant companion for a very long time now. For more than four years now I have lived in fear that if I screw up I will loose Rowan forever and now with my mom in the mix -- let's just say that sometimes I feel like that old dilemma of which would you choose to live your child or your mother.
Today I do battle with bureaucracies -- medicare, medical, social security, creditors and more! Wish I could go back to bed and read.
In one I had tickets to Amsterdam but knew I didn't have time to use them. Rushed to the airport only to miss the plane. The tickets were very expensive. They wouldn't let me change the ticket. I just lost the money and the trip. This is a reoccurring dream of lost opportunities. Last time it was London.
The other one was very complicated but the hard part involved loss again. This time I was at a gas station. I saw a truck and realized that the boxes and furniture it was loaded with were mine. When I confronted the driver he told me that they were a charity and the stuff had been donated. Then I remembered that I had rented another house but forgot to move in, pay the rent or contact the owner. These are the things that I had put in the garage. I have this one repeatedly too. It usual involves me forgetting to pay a bill or follow through on some plan and the disastrous results.
I am also having migraines several times a week. I usually get them just before my period, but they are getting more frequent and more powerful. Headaches I could handle, but the full body nausea is too much.
Stressed? Yes. We are behind in our bills, I have so much paperwork to do for mom that it frightens me. Then there is taking care of mom and trying to reorganize the house. Everything feels critical. I am afraid that if I don't do everything now and just right my life will be ruined. I have an intense desire to hide until it all goes away.
I realized the other day that fear has been a constant companion for a very long time now. For more than four years now I have lived in fear that if I screw up I will loose Rowan forever and now with my mom in the mix -- let's just say that sometimes I feel like that old dilemma of which would you choose to live your child or your mother.
Today I do battle with bureaucracies -- medicare, medical, social security, creditors and more! Wish I could go back to bed and read.
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no subject
Date: 2002-09-06 12:23 pm (UTC)I don't know your health insurance sitch, but there are some great drugs out there. Imitrex is a good one; I relied on it for years, but it had a lot of unpleasant side effects for me. Now I use Midrin; its only side effect is some drowsiness, which comes with the migraine anyway.
I spent years dealing with migraines. They are unacceptable. If you can, find someone to prescribe some Midrin for you. It is a lifesaver. In the midst of all this taking care of other people, remember that it's good to take care of yourself, too.
I can totally understand the panicky feeling that if everything isn't solved Right Now, all will slip away. Think back, however, to all the times that you've solved projects and challenges that one little cliched step at a time.
You're being so brave, Dawn. Hang in there.
I've got NRE, so I'm channeling some of my happy energy up your way.