Nightmares again...
Sep. 6th, 2002 09:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
purplerabbitI have always been prone to nightmares. Lately they are all I seem to get when I sleep. Last nights were mundane but upsetting.
In one I had tickets to Amsterdam but knew I didn't have time to use them. Rushed to the airport only to miss the plane. The tickets were very expensive. They wouldn't let me change the ticket. I just lost the money and the trip. This is a reoccurring dream of lost opportunities. Last time it was London.
The other one was very complicated but the hard part involved loss again. This time I was at a gas station. I saw a truck and realized that the boxes and furniture it was loaded with were mine. When I confronted the driver he told me that they were a charity and the stuff had been donated. Then I remembered that I had rented another house but forgot to move in, pay the rent or contact the owner. These are the things that I had put in the garage. I have this one repeatedly too. It usual involves me forgetting to pay a bill or follow through on some plan and the disastrous results.
I am also having migraines several times a week. I usually get them just before my period, but they are getting more frequent and more powerful. Headaches I could handle, but the full body nausea is too much.
Stressed? Yes. We are behind in our bills, I have so much paperwork to do for mom that it frightens me. Then there is taking care of mom and trying to reorganize the house. Everything feels critical. I am afraid that if I don't do everything now and just right my life will be ruined. I have an intense desire to hide until it all goes away.
I realized the other day that fear has been a constant companion for a very long time now. For more than four years now I have lived in fear that if I screw up I will loose Rowan forever and now with my mom in the mix -- let's just say that sometimes I feel like that old dilemma of which would you choose to live your child or your mother.
Today I do battle with bureaucracies -- medicare, medical, social security, creditors and more! Wish I could go back to bed and read.
In one I had tickets to Amsterdam but knew I didn't have time to use them. Rushed to the airport only to miss the plane. The tickets were very expensive. They wouldn't let me change the ticket. I just lost the money and the trip. This is a reoccurring dream of lost opportunities. Last time it was London.
The other one was very complicated but the hard part involved loss again. This time I was at a gas station. I saw a truck and realized that the boxes and furniture it was loaded with were mine. When I confronted the driver he told me that they were a charity and the stuff had been donated. Then I remembered that I had rented another house but forgot to move in, pay the rent or contact the owner. These are the things that I had put in the garage. I have this one repeatedly too. It usual involves me forgetting to pay a bill or follow through on some plan and the disastrous results.
I am also having migraines several times a week. I usually get them just before my period, but they are getting more frequent and more powerful. Headaches I could handle, but the full body nausea is too much.
Stressed? Yes. We are behind in our bills, I have so much paperwork to do for mom that it frightens me. Then there is taking care of mom and trying to reorganize the house. Everything feels critical. I am afraid that if I don't do everything now and just right my life will be ruined. I have an intense desire to hide until it all goes away.
I realized the other day that fear has been a constant companion for a very long time now. For more than four years now I have lived in fear that if I screw up I will loose Rowan forever and now with my mom in the mix -- let's just say that sometimes I feel like that old dilemma of which would you choose to live your child or your mother.
Today I do battle with bureaucracies -- medicare, medical, social security, creditors and more! Wish I could go back to bed and read.
