Painful Dates
Jul. 8th, 2003 11:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
purplerabbitA number of people have asked why I haven't been on live journal in a while...
Troy lost his job April 1.
I broke my leg April 24.
Our health insurance expired May 31.
What does that have to do with it?
Well, I have fibromyalgia. Meaning I have severe chronic joint, nerve, and muscle pain throughout my body, especially in the shoulders/arms and hip areas. I have muscle twitches, my jaws clench up so bad that I have cracked two teeth, I have 20 "hotspots" where pain is constant, my arms and hands have circulation problems resulting in numbness & shooting pains, migraines, and sleep deprivation. All this before the leg break. Now I also have the pain at the bone break areas and the knee from the surgery. And because of the insurance loss, I am out of my pain medication. The patches ran out a couple weeks ago and the vicodin will be gone too soon.
May 31st was a difficult date for me. Not only did my insurance run out, it was also a double anniversary. May 31, 1975 was the day my dad was killed in a hit and run motorcycle accident. May 31, 1998 was the day that our ex, her brother and a friend tried to kidnap Rowan and assaulted me in the process, dragging me with a car. The judge gave her custody of Rowan even with assault charges pending. The district attorney then allowed a plea bargain to disorderly contact for her and her accomplices -- a $100 fine. We spent another year and half (and $10,000) fighting just to get visitation rights again.
The physical pain is compounded by the realization that it may never be over. My understanding is that the assault did permanent damage to the soft tissue in my joints. I don't think I would have been able to maintain my sanity five years ago if I had known that the pain would be permanent and that we would not be able to get our day in court for either issue. I have been struggling with facing the realization that I may never be without chronic pain again. The damage to the soft tissue may never heal. Even worse, we can't even find a lawyer who will represent us to maintain our rights with Rowan, let alone reapply for custody. And the political climate is worse than ever.
Some pain never ends...
28 years and I still miss my dad.
5 years of fighting to regain my health, my sanity, my career, and most importantly, my child.
I haven't been able to write in a very long time. First, because of the post traumatic stress/depression. Now, typing has become very painful. Most mornings my hands are like claws, curled and useless. It takes several hours before I am functional again. Most of my functional time is spent being MamaDawn and working on selling things to pay the bills.
Yes, I have applied for disability, it can take months. Apparently Troy's meager unemployment insurance disqualifies us for most assistance. (Even though is equals less than our rent.)
How can you help?
First, don't expect me to be able to write back right now. If you need to hear from me, please call. I would love to hear from you. Only, be prepared for a possibly short call if my pain is too high for concentration at the time.
If you have healing talents, I would welcome magical energy and/or body work. Massage would be wonderful. It seems to be the only thing that returns circulation.
Help acquiring more of my pain medication is also nice, but harder to do.
I love you all and will write about the happier side of things in a separate message if I can.
Dawn
Troy lost his job April 1.
I broke my leg April 24.
Our health insurance expired May 31.
What does that have to do with it?
Well, I have fibromyalgia. Meaning I have severe chronic joint, nerve, and muscle pain throughout my body, especially in the shoulders/arms and hip areas. I have muscle twitches, my jaws clench up so bad that I have cracked two teeth, I have 20 "hotspots" where pain is constant, my arms and hands have circulation problems resulting in numbness & shooting pains, migraines, and sleep deprivation. All this before the leg break. Now I also have the pain at the bone break areas and the knee from the surgery. And because of the insurance loss, I am out of my pain medication. The patches ran out a couple weeks ago and the vicodin will be gone too soon.
May 31st was a difficult date for me. Not only did my insurance run out, it was also a double anniversary. May 31, 1975 was the day my dad was killed in a hit and run motorcycle accident. May 31, 1998 was the day that our ex, her brother and a friend tried to kidnap Rowan and assaulted me in the process, dragging me with a car. The judge gave her custody of Rowan even with assault charges pending. The district attorney then allowed a plea bargain to disorderly contact for her and her accomplices -- a $100 fine. We spent another year and half (and $10,000) fighting just to get visitation rights again.
The physical pain is compounded by the realization that it may never be over. My understanding is that the assault did permanent damage to the soft tissue in my joints. I don't think I would have been able to maintain my sanity five years ago if I had known that the pain would be permanent and that we would not be able to get our day in court for either issue. I have been struggling with facing the realization that I may never be without chronic pain again. The damage to the soft tissue may never heal. Even worse, we can't even find a lawyer who will represent us to maintain our rights with Rowan, let alone reapply for custody. And the political climate is worse than ever.
Some pain never ends...
28 years and I still miss my dad.
5 years of fighting to regain my health, my sanity, my career, and most importantly, my child.
I haven't been able to write in a very long time. First, because of the post traumatic stress/depression. Now, typing has become very painful. Most mornings my hands are like claws, curled and useless. It takes several hours before I am functional again. Most of my functional time is spent being MamaDawn and working on selling things to pay the bills.
Yes, I have applied for disability, it can take months. Apparently Troy's meager unemployment insurance disqualifies us for most assistance. (Even though is equals less than our rent.)
How can you help?
First, don't expect me to be able to write back right now. If you need to hear from me, please call. I would love to hear from you. Only, be prepared for a possibly short call if my pain is too high for concentration at the time.
If you have healing talents, I would welcome magical energy and/or body work. Massage would be wonderful. It seems to be the only thing that returns circulation.
Help acquiring more of my pain medication is also nice, but harder to do.
I love you all and will write about the happier side of things in a separate message if I can.
Dawn
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
re: the assault
Date: 2003-07-08 12:29 pm (UTC)Speaking of the custody battle, I wonder what effect the recent Supreme Court decisions regarding private sexual practices of consenting adults will have with regard to future decisions on matters of Family Law. Who knows, you may now have legal justification to challenge the Iowa judge's custody decision which seemed heavily prejudiced against you based solely on your poly lifestyle choice. The highly improbable may now be possible.
As for your continuing suffering, know that I love you and have great compassion for you. I am returning to the Bay and your life soon, with many hugs, kisses, and massage sessions in tow. I will do what I can to ease the pain.
your friend, always,
jon
Re: re: the assault
Date: 2003-07-08 12:31 pm (UTC)There is another type of body work that also seems to relieve the pain. :-)
no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 04:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 12:38 pm (UTC)We will do what we can.
Re:
Date: 2003-07-08 12:45 pm (UTC)The other day I was trying to explain to someone what you two mean to us. So hard to put into words the sense of family/friends that translates into a joy, comfort and belonging. Yes, soon.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 01:21 pm (UTC)I look forward to simply spending time in your presence. Sharing space. Being together. Talking or not. Playing or not. Being.
Travel safely, dear ones.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 03:47 pm (UTC)I know how rough life can be dealing with chronic pain. You are all in my thoughts.
Have you thought about applying for Medi-Cal? The process is a pain in the ass, but it might help to have some coverage. Let me know if you'd like me to share my experience with this process with you.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-08 06:43 pm (UTC)I'm sorry to hear things are so awful. Good luck with your disability. I've done that dance and it's not fun. If you need help with your re-app (I'm presuming you've just done your first application--something like 90-95% of applications get automatically rejected the first time, so don't panic), let me know; I know how to write 'em.
If you are desperate enough
Date: 2003-07-10 11:23 am (UTC)