Painful Dates
Jul. 8th, 2003 11:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
purplerabbitA number of people have asked why I haven't been on live journal in a while...
Troy lost his job April 1.
I broke my leg April 24.
Our health insurance expired May 31.
What does that have to do with it?
Well, I have fibromyalgia. Meaning I have severe chronic joint, nerve, and muscle pain throughout my body, especially in the shoulders/arms and hip areas. I have muscle twitches, my jaws clench up so bad that I have cracked two teeth, I have 20 "hotspots" where pain is constant, my arms and hands have circulation problems resulting in numbness & shooting pains, migraines, and sleep deprivation. All this before the leg break. Now I also have the pain at the bone break areas and the knee from the surgery. And because of the insurance loss, I am out of my pain medication. The patches ran out a couple weeks ago and the vicodin will be gone too soon.
May 31st was a difficult date for me. Not only did my insurance run out, it was also a double anniversary. May 31, 1975 was the day my dad was killed in a hit and run motorcycle accident. May 31, 1998 was the day that our ex, her brother and a friend tried to kidnap Rowan and assaulted me in the process, dragging me with a car. The judge gave her custody of Rowan even with assault charges pending. The district attorney then allowed a plea bargain to disorderly contact for her and her accomplices -- a $100 fine. We spent another year and half (and $10,000) fighting just to get visitation rights again.
The physical pain is compounded by the realization that it may never be over. My understanding is that the assault did permanent damage to the soft tissue in my joints. I don't think I would have been able to maintain my sanity five years ago if I had known that the pain would be permanent and that we would not be able to get our day in court for either issue. I have been struggling with facing the realization that I may never be without chronic pain again. The damage to the soft tissue may never heal. Even worse, we can't even find a lawyer who will represent us to maintain our rights with Rowan, let alone reapply for custody. And the political climate is worse than ever.
Some pain never ends...
28 years and I still miss my dad.
5 years of fighting to regain my health, my sanity, my career, and most importantly, my child.
I haven't been able to write in a very long time. First, because of the post traumatic stress/depression. Now, typing has become very painful. Most mornings my hands are like claws, curled and useless. It takes several hours before I am functional again. Most of my functional time is spent being MamaDawn and working on selling things to pay the bills.
Yes, I have applied for disability, it can take months. Apparently Troy's meager unemployment insurance disqualifies us for most assistance. (Even though is equals less than our rent.)
How can you help?
First, don't expect me to be able to write back right now. If you need to hear from me, please call. I would love to hear from you. Only, be prepared for a possibly short call if my pain is too high for concentration at the time.
If you have healing talents, I would welcome magical energy and/or body work. Massage would be wonderful. It seems to be the only thing that returns circulation.
Help acquiring more of my pain medication is also nice, but harder to do.
I love you all and will write about the happier side of things in a separate message if I can.
Dawn
Troy lost his job April 1.
I broke my leg April 24.
Our health insurance expired May 31.
What does that have to do with it?
Well, I have fibromyalgia. Meaning I have severe chronic joint, nerve, and muscle pain throughout my body, especially in the shoulders/arms and hip areas. I have muscle twitches, my jaws clench up so bad that I have cracked two teeth, I have 20 "hotspots" where pain is constant, my arms and hands have circulation problems resulting in numbness & shooting pains, migraines, and sleep deprivation. All this before the leg break. Now I also have the pain at the bone break areas and the knee from the surgery. And because of the insurance loss, I am out of my pain medication. The patches ran out a couple weeks ago and the vicodin will be gone too soon.
May 31st was a difficult date for me. Not only did my insurance run out, it was also a double anniversary. May 31, 1975 was the day my dad was killed in a hit and run motorcycle accident. May 31, 1998 was the day that our ex, her brother and a friend tried to kidnap Rowan and assaulted me in the process, dragging me with a car. The judge gave her custody of Rowan even with assault charges pending. The district attorney then allowed a plea bargain to disorderly contact for her and her accomplices -- a $100 fine. We spent another year and half (and $10,000) fighting just to get visitation rights again.
The physical pain is compounded by the realization that it may never be over. My understanding is that the assault did permanent damage to the soft tissue in my joints. I don't think I would have been able to maintain my sanity five years ago if I had known that the pain would be permanent and that we would not be able to get our day in court for either issue. I have been struggling with facing the realization that I may never be without chronic pain again. The damage to the soft tissue may never heal. Even worse, we can't even find a lawyer who will represent us to maintain our rights with Rowan, let alone reapply for custody. And the political climate is worse than ever.
Some pain never ends...
28 years and I still miss my dad.
5 years of fighting to regain my health, my sanity, my career, and most importantly, my child.
I haven't been able to write in a very long time. First, because of the post traumatic stress/depression. Now, typing has become very painful. Most mornings my hands are like claws, curled and useless. It takes several hours before I am functional again. Most of my functional time is spent being MamaDawn and working on selling things to pay the bills.
Yes, I have applied for disability, it can take months. Apparently Troy's meager unemployment insurance disqualifies us for most assistance. (Even though is equals less than our rent.)
How can you help?
First, don't expect me to be able to write back right now. If you need to hear from me, please call. I would love to hear from you. Only, be prepared for a possibly short call if my pain is too high for concentration at the time.
If you have healing talents, I would welcome magical energy and/or body work. Massage would be wonderful. It seems to be the only thing that returns circulation.
Help acquiring more of my pain medication is also nice, but harder to do.
I love you all and will write about the happier side of things in a separate message if I can.
Dawn
