(no subject)

[purplerabbit]

I have been frequently (and particularly recently) shocked at the number of married people who seem to make major life decisions without first having the agreement (or sometimes even input) of their spouse(s). Or feel justified in withholding important information from their spouse(s). I don't understand how they can even begin to justify such behavior.

Two sections from our family Commitment Agreement include:

We make all major decisions by consensus. .... Major decisions include financial, legal, medical, parenting, time managment, relationships, and household resources.

We have a commitment to honesty including full disclosure to each other. We do not withhold important information from each other. We will not make promises to other people that include lying to or lies of omission from each other.

So I have some questions for my friends here:

1. If you are in a committed relationship, are these provisions part of your marriage/commitment agreement? Why or why not?


2. If you are not in a currently in a committed relationship, would these be part of an agreement you would make? Why or why not?


3. If you and your committed partner have not discussed the details of what your commitment to each other entails, why or why not?

Please keep your comments civil. I really want to hear how folks deal with these issues.

Comments

[aleeceh.livejournal.com]

I have only one life partner, my husband. Our other relationships have many enjoyable and worthwhile aspects, but they are not on the partnership track. We have no written agreements between ourselves or with our other love(r)s, though it's something I've been meaning to do, but it's a bit of a daunting task. I'd love to see a book of examples to help me decide what needs to be included.

We're just lucky, I guess, in that we seem to function well with just a few explicit verbal agreements (rules about safer sex and what's okay in terms of outside partners, for example) and otherwise just sort of following "the golden rule." I'm not saying this how everyone should do things, just that more formal agreements haven't been necessary for us. I like that we can just trust each other to do the right thing, and I think that's a big reason we've been together for 25 years.