(no subject)

[purplerabbit]

I have been frequently (and particularly recently) shocked at the number of married people who seem to make major life decisions without first having the agreement (or sometimes even input) of their spouse(s). Or feel justified in withholding important information from their spouse(s). I don't understand how they can even begin to justify such behavior.

Two sections from our family Commitment Agreement include:

We make all major decisions by consensus. .... Major decisions include financial, legal, medical, parenting, time managment, relationships, and household resources.

We have a commitment to honesty including full disclosure to each other. We do not withhold important information from each other. We will not make promises to other people that include lying to or lies of omission from each other.

So I have some questions for my friends here:

1. If you are in a committed relationship, are these provisions part of your marriage/commitment agreement? Why or why not?


2. If you are not in a currently in a committed relationship, would these be part of an agreement you would make? Why or why not?


3. If you and your committed partner have not discussed the details of what your commitment to each other entails, why or why not?

Please keep your comments civil. I really want to hear how folks deal with these issues.

Comments

[beanolc.livejournal.com]

leofwine and I had two agreements to start with in our relationship, when we realized we had gotten serious and wanted to commit to each other. The first was in regards to children; neither of us want them, but agreed to leave it an open issue because of my age at the time. Fortunately for us both, as I got older, I got more sure. The second was the issue of monogamy; neither of us wanted to share. We both felt it important to agree 100% on both issues.

Over the years, we have adopted those you list above as routine practice. Once we got through our learning curve, it really became second nature.

Like you, I am surprised when these things aren't the norm in other relationships.