Rant Warning

[purplerabbit]

This is an edited text of what I wrote in IM to a friend who has been talking about committing suicide:

I believe that suicide is the ultimate violation of the social contract we make when we love others. While I am not doing anything to stop you. I am telling you what I feel and what I believe. I always tell my friends the truth of what I think and believe. I will not lie to you. I do not think suicide is acceptable except under extreme circumstances. Your circumstances are able to improve. They are not without possibilities. You have other options.

And if you didn't know, I have lost four people in my life to suicide. My lover, Russell. My adopted brother, Michael. My brother-in-law, Wesley. Another friend/would-be-lover, John. Why? Depression. My brother was also physically ill. He had Type 1 diabetes. He was going blind. But he promised me when were young that he would always be there for me. I am still angry. I still cry writing this. John had a bad winter and couldn't wait until things got better. He killed himself on my birthday. He had forgotten it was my birthday and that he had agreed to meet me that night. He stood me up.

Suicide is a violation of the love and time people give you. A violation of their trust. You make your choices, but know that if you kill yourself, I will not forgive you. I will feel it is a violation of the trust I have shown you. I don't usually talk about this stuff. Especially in writing. It sounds cruel here rather than showing my pain.

I am already loosing someone this month. Things are hard enough. My friend and mother-in-law is dying of cancer. She has fought hard. I feel angry that you would throw away what she fights to hard for.: I live with chronic pain higher than most people will ever understand. I have lost a lot of people I have loved in my life. I have been assaulted by the woman I loved. I have had my child literally ripped from my arms. I found a way to keep going and find a better way. You can too.

It is a choice. You would be choosing to throw away the people who love you. It is a rejection of us. I will tell you what I have told my son. Life is worth fighting for, to keep fighting to keep and to make better. As long as one is alive, there is a possibility of things getting better. You kill yourself -- you kill all love, all hope. And if your parents are alive, it is, as far as I am concerned, a violation of their love of you. It is wrong, very wrong for a parent to ever have to bury their child. It makes me sick.

Suicide is still murder. Your life is not just about you. Your life is about the connections you have made with other people. Humans do not live outside the social fabric. Your life is intertwined with everyone else. Murder, in all forms, especially suicide, rips the social fabric. You demonstrate that you do not care about others if you do this. It is not self care to murder yourself. It is self destruction.

I am someone you said you care about. If you do not want me as a friend, that is something you can revoke. You make your choice. But I still have the right to tell you how I feel about that choice. The choice of murder is not something I can condone or accept.

I care about you. I have let you know how I feel. If you value me as a friend you will think about this. I am not telling you this because I don't care. It is my opinion that friends tell you the truth about what they think about your actions. I have done the best to do that. If you want to talk, I am here. If not, that is also your choice.

Comments

[pure-agnostic.livejournal.com]

I would be worried too!

Do you know why your friend is talking about suicide? Is the friend depressed? Is the depression caused by a biochemical inballance or caused by situations in zir life?

[freeimprov.livejournal.com]

That was very well said. Thank you.

[worthyadvisor.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying very eloquently what that little voice in my head reminded me of on a very stormy February night about 10 years ago. I thank the Goddess every day that I listened to that voice.

[tahari.livejournal.com]

I've been suicidal, and this would probably have encouraged rather than dissuaded me.

[weirdodragoncat.livejournal.com]

It must have been hard to say these things to your friend. You are good at saying the hard things to people though. I hope they take your words to heart and find a way to go on.

*hugs*

[davesslave.livejournal.com]

As someone who suffers from depression, talk of suicide is very serious. Is your friend on suicide watch? Somebody may need to intervene.

I am not saying suicide is acceptable. In fact, I deeply oppose it. However, to give you insight about why depressed people consider it, let me give you an explanation about how it feels. Severe depression is equivalant to being shoved into a cauldron of boiling water with the lid screwed on very tightly. Because a depressed person badly wants to escape his or her own mind, suicide becomes more attractive as a means to escape. What depressed people forget is that they will cycle out and be well, once more. Your friend needs to hear that.

My recent depressive state - Suicide was never an option.

[missk.livejournal.com]

Two months ago I was in a deep pit of depression. Making it to work, but not much else. Sleeping a lot, eating a lot, hiding out in my bed with the shades down and lights out. I had thoughts of death. Never of actively killing myself, just that death would be better than life was then.

I had a health professional tell me that I was risking death soon by not taking care of my diabetes and hypertention. I didn't care. But the observer in there could see the apathy and have it's own reaction to that. My observer self knew that the apathy was NOT OK. So, even though I didn't care if I died, I chose to act as if I didn't want to die. I chose to take actions to improve my health.

Guess what. Somewhere in the "act as if" behaviors, I started to care. I am not doing a lot of things to improve my health, and have a better life.

When I had my intake at Kaiser Psychiatry they asked if I was thinking of death or suicide. I said yes, I have thought a lot of death, but never of suicide. She asked me to explain that further. I simply said - Suicide is not an option. I would never do that to the family and freinds that love me. I have suffered deeply when casual friends have killed themselves. I cannot even imagine what it is like when it is someone you care very deeply for. My own pain is bad enough, I cannot cause pain like that to those I love.