Love and Chaos
Sep. 17th, 2002 12:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
purplerabbitSo I haven't posted in over a week. Been very very very busy. Yeah, I know, I am always busy. But there is something more intense about being 24/7 care for a disabled person -- especially my mother. The women in my family are all high maintenance, powerful and demanding. Those who know me may be amused to find that I am not the pushiest, loudest etc. in my family. I am mild mannered compared with many of my relatives. My mom is higher on that scale than I am...
Just writing that first paragraph I have been "buzzed" (intercom) by mom two times. Once to see a blue jay and another time to adjust a pillow.
Mary is doing much better now that she is out of the nursing home. I and mine are much better caretakers. I change mom's bandages twice a day and the wound seems to be healing much faster. Mary still has a large deep whole at the base of her back. It is now 2" long, 1" deep and about 1/2" wide. It was twice that size a month ago. It is healing from he inside and the edges, slowly getting smaller but not closing over completely. Apparently this is normal for such a major wound. The wound? It is from the spinal surgery in May. She can't stand yet, but she can sit up for up to 2 hours at a time. That means she needs help to bathe, uses a bedpan, has to be fed, turned, and generally assisted with almost every aspect. This will lesson over time but it is pretty intensive right now.
I am trying to do all the paperwork for social services such as visiting nurse, visiting vocational and rehabilitation, and respite care. Problem is that I haven't had the time to do that yet.
In the meantime, the moving process continues. Moving? Yes, moving without changing addresses. In order to make room for both Mary and Alura, we had to completely rearrange our house. What was the office is now Mary's room. Rowan's things had to be stored while he is not here and Alura is. (They are time sharing the room since he is not here all the time.) What was the library is now the office. We had to clear out the closet in Rowan/Alura's room, so we had to add a wardrobe to our bedroom since we lack closet space. We also had to rearrange the utility/store room. Meanwhile, the magic room is also a library now -- which we are calling the Sanctuary.
We are having to get things out of storage and put other things into storage. When we moved Mary's things out, we had to get a second public storage locker. We are hoping to sort through things enough to cut back to one by the end of the year. So that leaves us a lot of things to sell or give away. (You might keep an eye on my Auctionworks site for things we are selling.)
Moving everything around without actually taking things out of the house is like a giant (very messy) Rubik's cube. Everything moved requires several other things moved and so on.
I have decided that if there is a hell, one level has to be a place where you are forced to continually move everything you have ever owned. Between moving mom out from Florida, helping my Aunt move, and now this, I haven't been in a house that wasn't in full chaos of moving in six months! This for the woman who is most comfortable in a place of order. Sigh.
And then there is the problem of wheelchair access. We need to build a ramp so that Mary can get in and out of the house. We need to widen a door, get threshold ramps, special hinges that allows the door to open wider, etc. And then a vehicle in which her electric wheelchair will fit. All this and being flat broke.
That means I won't be leaving the house much. If you want to see me you will probably have to come visit me. If you want to help with the work or with Mary, let me know. I would love to go to the movies with the guys or take other breaks.
Still, all this is better than the state I would be in if my mother had died. I know what grief feels like. I know that when I loose mom it will take years to recover. Hard work doesn't scare me. Grief is so much harder. So I joy in mom's presence. I like to sit with her and read. Her love is soothing. Her mind is fun. My house is messy but full of love.
Just writing that first paragraph I have been "buzzed" (intercom) by mom two times. Once to see a blue jay and another time to adjust a pillow.
Mary is doing much better now that she is out of the nursing home. I and mine are much better caretakers. I change mom's bandages twice a day and the wound seems to be healing much faster. Mary still has a large deep whole at the base of her back. It is now 2" long, 1" deep and about 1/2" wide. It was twice that size a month ago. It is healing from he inside and the edges, slowly getting smaller but not closing over completely. Apparently this is normal for such a major wound. The wound? It is from the spinal surgery in May. She can't stand yet, but she can sit up for up to 2 hours at a time. That means she needs help to bathe, uses a bedpan, has to be fed, turned, and generally assisted with almost every aspect. This will lesson over time but it is pretty intensive right now.
I am trying to do all the paperwork for social services such as visiting nurse, visiting vocational and rehabilitation, and respite care. Problem is that I haven't had the time to do that yet.
In the meantime, the moving process continues. Moving? Yes, moving without changing addresses. In order to make room for both Mary and Alura, we had to completely rearrange our house. What was the office is now Mary's room. Rowan's things had to be stored while he is not here and Alura is. (They are time sharing the room since he is not here all the time.) What was the library is now the office. We had to clear out the closet in Rowan/Alura's room, so we had to add a wardrobe to our bedroom since we lack closet space. We also had to rearrange the utility/store room. Meanwhile, the magic room is also a library now -- which we are calling the Sanctuary.
We are having to get things out of storage and put other things into storage. When we moved Mary's things out, we had to get a second public storage locker. We are hoping to sort through things enough to cut back to one by the end of the year. So that leaves us a lot of things to sell or give away. (You might keep an eye on my Auctionworks site for things we are selling.)
Moving everything around without actually taking things out of the house is like a giant (very messy) Rubik's cube. Everything moved requires several other things moved and so on.
I have decided that if there is a hell, one level has to be a place where you are forced to continually move everything you have ever owned. Between moving mom out from Florida, helping my Aunt move, and now this, I haven't been in a house that wasn't in full chaos of moving in six months! This for the woman who is most comfortable in a place of order. Sigh.
And then there is the problem of wheelchair access. We need to build a ramp so that Mary can get in and out of the house. We need to widen a door, get threshold ramps, special hinges that allows the door to open wider, etc. And then a vehicle in which her electric wheelchair will fit. All this and being flat broke.
That means I won't be leaving the house much. If you want to see me you will probably have to come visit me. If you want to help with the work or with Mary, let me know. I would love to go to the movies with the guys or take other breaks.
Still, all this is better than the state I would be in if my mother had died. I know what grief feels like. I know that when I loose mom it will take years to recover. Hard work doesn't scare me. Grief is so much harder. So I joy in mom's presence. I like to sit with her and read. Her love is soothing. Her mind is fun. My house is messy but full of love.
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Date: 2002-09-18 03:07 am (UTC)