purplerabbit

I wrote this poem when I was 15. It shares my perspective of what my dad and I both went through. It is actually my most published work. It was published in several poetry collections and was even included in a nursing journal. The nursing journal included it because of the way it illustrates the stages of grief. Since this piece is a critical part of who I am, I wanted to share it with you.

I Dream of Death
by Dawn Atkins (March 1977)

I had a vision,
It was misty and vague.
I rode upon a cycle,
The world was green, and a warm breeze blew.
Around me the countryside stretched
With rolling hills and fields of hay.
A sign said Telephone road,
And all was peaceful as I drove.

Daddy I love you!
Daddy I miss you!
Daddy I always will!
But Daddy, why did they murder you?

Then I heard a screech,
And the roar of an engine.
In the mirror at my side
I saw a car flying fast from behind.
And I knew in a moment we would collide.
So I turned the wheel to the side,
And felt myself soaring through the air.
The world sped by and death was nigh.

Daddy I love you!
Daddy I miss you!
Daddy I always will!
But Daddy, who murdered you?

My bones splintered, my head split,
My senses shattered as I hit.
Dimly I head the car stop dead.
Hands grasped my helmet,
Pulling it from my head.
A shriek of terror filled my ears.
Once again the car roared
And sped away, leaving me where I lay.

Daddy I love you!
Daddy I miss you!
Daddy I always will!
But Daddy, what right did they have?

Time is a river that never ends
And I had a ticket for eternity.
Away I sailed until I heard
Sirens screaming in the air.
They lifted me from the dirt
And I realized I was hurt.
My body felt like lead
And agonizing pain tore at me,
Then obscurity filled my head.

Daddy I love you!
Daddy I miss you!
Daddy I always will!
But Daddy, what am I to do?

When the world did return,
I was met with the sight
Of men and women dressed in white.
In this world of gauze,
Somewhere in this fog,
I heard an echoing sound,
A beat which continued to resound.
I heard my hearts own song.
The song that had beat so long.

Daddy I love you!
Daddy I miss you!
Daddy I always will!
But Daddy, why can’t you come back to me?

Then there was a silence
Broken by a humming sound.
Peace was ever so near,
And the dream became very clear.
I dreamt of Death.
Metal monsters and rubber tubes,
Stealing my designed rest.
Then I heard my hearts own song,
A sound that was so very wrong.

Daddy I love you!
Daddy I miss you!
Daddy I always will!
But Daddy, who’ll be my handsome man now?

Time floated swiftly by.
And when I woke
I found myself bound with rope.
The metal monsters towered there,
And disinfectant filled the air.
I tore at their plastic arms,
That were lodged in my skin.
I tore at them with fury and alarm.
But I would remain their prisoner.

Daddy I love you!
Daddy I miss you!
Daddy I always will!
But Daddy, I’ll go on living without you!

Much time has come and gone since then.
Now I sit and watch a window
Of pictures that mean nothing,
Images of faces and places I don’t know.
I know I should and I wish I could.
Time is a river that never ends,
And I have a ticket for eternity.
I sail on a river where dreams are reality.
I dream of death.

Daddy I love you!
Daddy I miss you!
Daddy I always will!