May 31st Anniversaries
May. 31st, 2005 09:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
purplerabbit30 years ago today, I lost my dad. He was run off the road while riding his motorcycle on Memorial Day weekend. He spent the next 11 years in semi-vegitative state before his body died of pneumonia.
7 years ago today, I was dragged by a car when my ex tried to kidnap our child and assaulted me in the process.
Yet, today was a good day. Mostly I allowed myself to think about all those wonderful moments when my dad really showed me that he loved me. His love was a remarkable healing for a troubled young girl. My mother's first husband (the man whose name is on my birth certificate) was emotionally and physcially abusive. Without Johnny, would I have known the kind of love that lead me to marry my sweethearts? John Atkins wasn't my biological father but he was definitely MY DAD. I miss him every day. Yet, everyday, he is with me. In particular, I am often struck by how much of my love and devotion of my darling Rowan is shaped by both my parents. Dad's joy in building things for his children lives on in the way I shape our lives and our new house to meet Rowan's needs too.
Let me share with you a favorite example. One day, when I was around 11, my dad decided to clean up the back porch. There were two old air conditioners sitting on the cement patio that he was going to haul away. (Apparently they were a safety risk.) I began to cry. My dad in his quiet way, sat me down and asked me to explain why this upset me. I explained that I used the control panel on one of the air conditioners as my "space ship" or "computer" or whatever science fiction device my playworld needed that day. He smiled and led me into his workshop. He took some tools, went out to the air conditioner and removed the control panel. He then took me back into the garage shop and made me the most wonderful toy! It was the ultimate science fiction gadget. He mounted the control panel on a wooden console he built, installed a pretend view screen (using foil, door screen and a picture frame), then added lights and buzzers on switches that really worked. We dubbed it "The Whatchamacallit." It could be anything I wanted it to be. And I was just what my daddy wanted me to be -- a creative girl with a big imagination. I felt heard, seen and loved.
7 years ago today, I was dragged by a car when my ex tried to kidnap our child and assaulted me in the process.
Yet, today was a good day. Mostly I allowed myself to think about all those wonderful moments when my dad really showed me that he loved me. His love was a remarkable healing for a troubled young girl. My mother's first husband (the man whose name is on my birth certificate) was emotionally and physcially abusive. Without Johnny, would I have known the kind of love that lead me to marry my sweethearts? John Atkins wasn't my biological father but he was definitely MY DAD. I miss him every day. Yet, everyday, he is with me. In particular, I am often struck by how much of my love and devotion of my darling Rowan is shaped by both my parents. Dad's joy in building things for his children lives on in the way I shape our lives and our new house to meet Rowan's needs too.
Let me share with you a favorite example. One day, when I was around 11, my dad decided to clean up the back porch. There were two old air conditioners sitting on the cement patio that he was going to haul away. (Apparently they were a safety risk.) I began to cry. My dad in his quiet way, sat me down and asked me to explain why this upset me. I explained that I used the control panel on one of the air conditioners as my "space ship" or "computer" or whatever science fiction device my playworld needed that day. He smiled and led me into his workshop. He took some tools, went out to the air conditioner and removed the control panel. He then took me back into the garage shop and made me the most wonderful toy! It was the ultimate science fiction gadget. He mounted the control panel on a wooden console he built, installed a pretend view screen (using foil, door screen and a picture frame), then added lights and buzzers on switches that really worked. We dubbed it "The Whatchamacallit." It could be anything I wanted it to be. And I was just what my daddy wanted me to be -- a creative girl with a big imagination. I felt heard, seen and loved.
