Robert Asprin is dead. I remember...

Robert Asprin, creator of the Myth World novels, and co-creator of Thieves' World, has died.

Bob was a friend many, many years ago. I probably haven't seen him in twenty years. But in the Midwest fan circuit of the 1970s and early 1980s, I hung out a lot with him. We were also both in the SCA. He was fun and funny and a bit overwhelming at times. He drank excessively, flirted outrageously and was very supportive of me as a young writer and magazine publisher. I published a science fiction and fantasy semi-pro magazine, Shadows Of... He wrote a short story from his Myth series for me to include in volume seven. We never were able to print that issue. The magazine folded. I still have the short story with illustrations in my files. I don't know if he ever sent the story somewhere else later, but it was a great act of kindness and support to give a young publisher like myself that story. The Myth books were hot then and it might have saved the magazine if we could have done it.

I have other bits of memory that float around in my mind today. I remember Bob, Richard Pini and I hanging out in a hotel room at a con in Texarkana. I was there with Richard and I know Bob was a bit envious of that. But the three of us decided to have a drink. Bob went to pour the whiskey into those little glasses in the room. Only he didn't realize the staff had wrapped the opening of the glasses in thin plastic wrap. So when he did, the whiskey poured down over the glass instead of into it. The look on his face was priceless. He made much of not crying over spilt milk, but whiskey was an entirely different matter.

....

So I paused in writing this post and went to my files to find a copy of that story. I haven't found that story yet, but did find a file with personal correspondence. And in it was a letter I had forgotten. A letter that had a huge impact on me. It mostly likely changed the course of my life. I am still wiping the tears from my eyes from the burst of emotion that reading it brought up for me. How could I have forgotten something so amazing? It all came flooding back to me as I read. It is a three page, handwritten letter on his cream colored stationary from "Robert Lynn Asprin" dated July 28, 1980. He even includes the time "23:50 hrs" -- which meant he was up late thinking about and writing to me.

In it he gives me advice. Badly needed but very difficult advice:

Dear Dawn,

This is one of those "none of your business" letters everyone gets from time to time, and (lucky you) it's your turn. That is, I know that what I have to stay oversteps the parameters of a casual friendship and that after you read this, you'll probably laugh/snarl and toss it in the waste-basket. Still, me being me, I've got to open my mouth (pen) and express my opinions, even when they're unpopular.

Dawn, it's about your conduct at cons. Even as a passing friend, you've got me worried, and I feel I would be less than a friend if I didn't say something. What specifically prompts this note is your carryings-on after the masquerade at the Filksing Saturday night.

Before I go any farther, Let me say that your sexual activities (or lack that of) are nobodies business but your own. That's not what I'm going to lecture you on. What does concern me, as a friend is: a) your physical safety, and b) your reputation.

He goes on to outline the ways in which my behavior in the mostly male fan events was flirting with disaster. He worried that all they saw was "the bubble-headed sex-kitten" image. He felt that people thought less of me because of it and that it was very dangerous. That one or more of the "unstable men in fandom" would take advantage and hurt me.

It was a time period, of course when the term "date rape" was not part of our culture. What he predicted, but had no way of knowing at the time, was that I was attacked and threatened with attack by men several times that year. In fact, the night he refers to was one of those times. Part of what was happening to me was massive confusion around my sexuality. There is a lot I will probably need to talk about around this some day, but what is important is that his timing and his choice to talk to me about it, was a pivotal moment in my life. It is what he says next that in particular made the advice take.

His last point is:

It affects what you think of yourself. Okay, so you've got a dynamite bod that's fun to watch. Do you feel that's all you have to offer people? Or worse, that that's all they want? Dawn, if you don't know by now, you should. Bodies are cheap. You can always find one if you're looking for a quick roll in the hay, but who cares about them as individuals? You can always find another one as good or better the next time you get the itch. People are valuable. Intelligent, thinking, sensitive individuals are hard to find, so when you fine one, you prize and protect them. For all my flirting, it's your mind and personality I remember, not your bod. You've shown me a side of you that you should show more people; the side that feels, that hurts, that cares. Show that, and you'll attract a completely different class of friends than the oglers who currently cluster around you at cons.

If all you had to offer was your bod, I'd understand, though I'd pity you. As it is, you're blessed with a body and a mind, and it distresses me to see you building your social identity on the former rather than the latter.

End of lecture. As I said at the beginning, I'm way out of line saying all this to you, but for your sake it needed to be said. Now that the point's been made, I'll shut up and let you call your own shots. I mean, it is your life.

See you at WorldCon. You can buy me a coffee or blow raspberries at me as you see fit. Until, then,

Take care,
Robert Asprin

He was absolutely on target and came through with difficult but needed advice at a critical moment in the life of an then 18-year-old woman. As one of the older but still attractive men who flirted with me but didn't push it, and whose work I admired, he was in a position where could have exploited my vulnerability. Instead, he did the right thing and went out on a limb socially to reach out to me.

I cannot overstate how much of an impact this had at the time. This also came at the same time as advice from one of the few women I trusted at the time too, Beverly Clark (now Beverly Hale). She too, was concerned about how I was behaving and talked to me about it. These two adults rocked my world.

I changed a lot in the next couple years. The immediate outward effect of this was presentation. I cut my hair short again and began wearing very different clothing. It was still attractive clothing, but more "professional" given that I was also running a semi-prozine at the time.

But it also got me thinking about what I wanted from other people and how I wanted to be seen by others. I believe strongly that without their intervention, my life would have been very different and much darker. So this is a public thank you to them.

Bob and I actually became better friends after that. We ran an interview with him in the magazine and he wrote that story for me. We stayed in touch up through my time as editor of Locus Magazine. In the mid-80s, I withdrew from SF/F fandom and returned to college, taking my life in different directions again. We lost touch then. I mourn that now. I don't know if he knew how important a role he had in my development. So, this is a good bye to Robert Asprin, a friend and mentor.

My love,
Dawn Atkins