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Have you ever told the whole story, from beginning to end, of what happened to you?
All at once?
Even here, you only tell it in bits and pieces and I know I haven't heard it all.
No, I haven’t. Though some people lived through it with me.
But you have told me how much you kept from them then.
Even if I could stand to tell it, no one can stand to hear it.
How do you know that?
I see it in their faces when I tell them parts of it. It’s too much.
One of the ways that people recover from a tragedy, from something like what you went through, is to tell the story.
That’s why I write I guess, I put it in my stories. Why I guess it feels good when people say they cried when they read my stories.
Yes, they feel some of what you felt then. But in your stories, you are still only sharing little pieces of what you went through. It’s not your story, what happened to you and you felt.
I also write to keep that story from taking over my mind. It’s like a tape that plays over and over again in my head. I can’t make it stop unless I fill my mind with something equally as strong but that isn’t happening to me.
That's just it, because you never made it into a story, it still is happening. You keep running from it. You need to turn it into a story. Something that is in the past.
It’s not over, it’s still happening.
Part of the story is still happening. Yet, I think the worst of it is over. There may be a book two or three, but you still haven’t finished telling book one. Maybe if you told it, you could move on past it.
No one could sit through the telling of it. I can’t even get through telling it.
So write it down.
It would hurt.
It hurts now.
Who would I write it for? I write for an audience. It just doesn’t feel the same if I am not writing for some one to read it.
Write it for him, even if he is too young to read it yet. In the meantime, you can send it to me and I will read it.
It will be like reliving it again. It will take a long time and it will hurt, a lot.
Yes, but then you won’t have to keep reliving it any more.
Do you believe that? Do you think it will really stop hurting so much if I write it?
Yes, I believe that. What have you got to loose?
My sanity?
Or save it.
All at once?
Even here, you only tell it in bits and pieces and I know I haven't heard it all.
No, I haven’t. Though some people lived through it with me.
But you have told me how much you kept from them then.
Even if I could stand to tell it, no one can stand to hear it.
How do you know that?
I see it in their faces when I tell them parts of it. It’s too much.
One of the ways that people recover from a tragedy, from something like what you went through, is to tell the story.
That’s why I write I guess, I put it in my stories. Why I guess it feels good when people say they cried when they read my stories.
Yes, they feel some of what you felt then. But in your stories, you are still only sharing little pieces of what you went through. It’s not your story, what happened to you and you felt.
I also write to keep that story from taking over my mind. It’s like a tape that plays over and over again in my head. I can’t make it stop unless I fill my mind with something equally as strong but that isn’t happening to me.
That's just it, because you never made it into a story, it still is happening. You keep running from it. You need to turn it into a story. Something that is in the past.
It’s not over, it’s still happening.
Part of the story is still happening. Yet, I think the worst of it is over. There may be a book two or three, but you still haven’t finished telling book one. Maybe if you told it, you could move on past it.
No one could sit through the telling of it. I can’t even get through telling it.
So write it down.
It would hurt.
It hurts now.
Who would I write it for? I write for an audience. It just doesn’t feel the same if I am not writing for some one to read it.
Write it for him, even if he is too young to read it yet. In the meantime, you can send it to me and I will read it.
It will be like reliving it again. It will take a long time and it will hurt, a lot.
Yes, but then you won’t have to keep reliving it any more.
Do you believe that? Do you think it will really stop hurting so much if I write it?
Yes, I believe that. What have you got to loose?
My sanity?
Or save it.
