Day One

She clutched him with fierce strength, yet no stronger or fiercer than he, as if one madly joyous embrace could wipe away all the days apart.
--Judith Tarr

I borrowed this from a friend because it really sums up the feelings for Rowan and us. The longing to be together all the time is so strong for Rowan and I that a week is only a drop of water to someone dying of thirst. The practical effect of all this is to make my entire focus be on Rowan while he is here.

Rowan arrived on Saturday at 3:40 PM. I met him at the gate. It is always like somethng from a movie. He sees me as he comes down the gang-way, yells "MAMA-DAWN!" and begins to run. I drop to one knee and he launches himself in to my arms hugging fiecely. Sometimes he knocks me over in the process. We hug and kiss and he talks a million miles a minute. The steward in charge of the "unattended minors" smiles but eventually has to break us up to have me show ID and sign for him. We gather his things and begin to walk toward the bagagge area where his daddies are waiting. We didn't make it more than a few yards before he began to tell me that a week is not enough and that he really NEEDS more time. I tell him I understand but can't change it. He begs for just one extra day. I tell him that I understand but let's try to enjoy the time we have. (This converstation usually happens daily as well.)

At the bagagge claim he runs into the daddies hugging them together. He demands we all hug together -- the family hug. Skipping and singing and very excited, we go to the car. He happily talks and asks questions all the way back to the house. He really wants to go home. He notes the landmarks on the way.

At home he is like a cat, exploring every room to see what changes there have been. He loves the new rearrange of his room. He hugs and kisses his Granny Mary. Then we ask if he wants to go to Yvonne & Tabitha's housewarming party. He is torn because he loves parties but wants to be in his home. We explain that it is nearby and he will have more time at home later. So he changes clothes. (She has taken to sending him on the plane in military fatigues and other war clothing. Sick and deliberaterly spiteful. So typical.)

Rowan picks out some black jeans and a new bright blue vest given to him by Rachael. The vest is a bit big, so I have to pin it for him. He looks great. And we all enjoy the party. There is another boy his age at the party. They spend time playing tag with the daddies in the backyard. Troy was Mr. Masculine that day doing the bar-b-q, changing a tire etc. We listening to a free concert of singing and guitar from a friend of Tabitha's. The house is beautiful and the party fun.

We come back to the house and spend the evening cuddling and playing with our boy. It is a wonderful family evening. Rowan is so tired when we put him to bed at 9 that he barely make it through two stories read to him by Daddy Troy.

Sometime in the early morning hours he leaves his loft bed and climbs in the big bed with his parents. We are a big bunny snuggle pile. Happy family.

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Day Two - Sunday

Sunday we woke up a whole family. Nice. After breakfast, we began to prepare for the day's Spring Ritual, Egg Hunt & Potluck. The highlight of the morning for me was egg decorating. Alura and Mark help Rowan and Victoria color the 18 eggs we hard boiled. Meanwhile, the adults ran around crazily cleaning everything and preparing for the party. Of course, we weren't really prepared since nearly twice as many people showed up as we were expecting. Some folks brought friends and some folks didn't RSVP until the last minute. Suddenly we had about a dozen kids and a couple dozen adults! That would have worked better for our original plan. Problem is that it rained most of the week and the backyard was a swamp. So we couldn't have the party in back. At least it was sunny enough to have it in the front. The party was large, chaotic and fun. Rowan was happy to see so many friends.

I realize I am better than I use to be with things not going according to plan. When it became clear to me that nothing would go as planned, I just went with the flow as much as possible. Most folks seem to have a good time and I like the strong sense of community I felt. We weren't able to do the fire and drumming circle, but we can reschedule that part. Rowan was pretty good about not freaking out about his toys being played with by lots of kids who aren't as gentle or as neat as he is. When it got to him, he would just leave the room and hang outside.

I really enjoyed watching a dozen kids hunt over 200 eggs. Total chaos. One of my stranger experiences was half a dozen women in the kitchen peeling eggs, making vairous potato salad and deviled eggs. Weird for me since usually Lon takes over kitchen and more often than not it is men cooking in our kitchen. Weirder even for me to find myself at age 41 with so many female friends. I like it but still feel a little out of place most of the time.

When all the guests had gone, Rowan was happy to snuggle up with his family. He even went to bed early he was so very tired.

Day Three - Monday

Rowan woke me at 7:29 AM. That's the problem with having him go to be early. He just couldn't wait for me to get up. Then again, I have always loved our mornings together. He is such a snuggler in the morning. I sit with my tea and snuggle my boy. We talk. It has been this way since he was an infant. I always feel peaceful during those loving mornings. It is one of the things I miss most when he is gone. We declared Monday a quiet stay at home day. Troy and Lon when off to work, but Mary, Rowan, Alura and I were home. (Alura went to work in the afternoon.) We would play a game, then clean up after the party for a while. Then play another game. Then make lunch. Then play a game. Then do some cleaning. A nice back and forth. Mom made me take a nap in the afternoon. She and Rowan had a great time playing cards together. When the guys came home, we ate dinner, played games and watched Childen of Dune on the SciFi channel. Our friend Rose came to visit. A really good geek family day. Rowan had Troy read him his good night stories and then asked me to snuggle him to sleep.

Day Four - Tuesday

So I asked Rowan not to wake me before 8 AM. He work me at 8:01. Another wonderful snuggle morning. Tea and roll for MamaDawn, Cherios for Rowan. Had to work some to get caught up on orders. I had a couple dozen CDs and books ordered through my business that had to go out in the mail. The hardest part of the day was explaining to Rowan about war. We feel very strongly that war is immoral - it is essentially premeditated mass murder. Rowan had been told by his relatives in Iowa that soldiers don't "kill people" only "bad guys." We had to explain that soilders kill people. That they do not get to choose who is or is not a bad guy let alone who to kill and not kill. A soildiers job is to do what he is told. And they are trained to kill people. I explained that my dad was a soldier (Marine Corps Staff Sargeant, 2 tours of Viet Nam). I loved my dad but he had to kill people when he was a soilder. He had nightmares about it for years. It made him cry. Rowan was upset by this. I said I loved him very much but I have always told him the truth. I explained that it would make me very sad if he ever became a soldier. I don't want my child to kill or be killed by others. It was a tough day on that part. Later Rowan and I did errands including shopping for dinner.

In the evening, our friend Vylar came to visit. She was a friend of ours in Iowa and only moved to the Bay Area a couple weeks ago. It is so nice to get to know here again. She played Fantasy Forest with us. The game is like a cross between Shuttes and Ladders and D&D. We have modified the game over a couple years to make it more challenging that the kids game it began as but still playable for younger folk. Rowan was really tired but had a good time.

My time for reading stories. He choose a favorite about "Raven" a Native American myth about Raven bringing the sun to people.. I also chose to read him a little story book about Noah and the Ark. We decided to teach him the biblical stories along with other religious tales from about the world. This way he knows what are important stories in Western literature but also has a background in the stories of other cultures as well. Not surprizing, he like the Raven story better. Then we snuggled to sleep.

Day Five - Wednesday

8:01 - Rowan tried to let me sleep. He even climbed out of bed earlier and didn't wake me. But he left the door open. So I was pounced by Willow -- the two year old perpetual kitten. She even climbed the ladder up to Rowan's loft bed to pounce me. Rowan came in about five minutes later and was amused to find me already awake. More morning snuggles followed. Today, Lon was home too. Our plans included going to the Chabot Observatory and Space Museum. Margaret and her two boys, Zander and Ori came over while I was still struggling to get myself moving. We cleaned up, got ready. Lon went off to therapy and then off on the adventure. Of course, we couldn't fit three kids and three adults in a five-seater Tercel. So Lon took BART over to Dawn Davidson's area, where she, Allegra, Stacey & Gabriella picked him up on their way up to Chabot. That meant we were a group of five kids and five adults. We spent about two hours roaming about explorng before the place closed at 3 PM. Rowan loved it as he did last year. By the time we all made it back to the Warren, we were very very tired. We had a simple family meal, played some games, watched Batman and Angel. Troy read Rowan to sleep. Everyone but me is in bed already. I will take my book and join them. Book -- currently reading "The Memoirs of Elizabeth Frankenstein."

Tomorrow we will find a way to teach our child about peace and show him our love. We wish the rest of the world could learn the lesson too.