About flying
Jul. 1st, 2006 04:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
purplerabbitI am afraid of flying. Not airplanes particularly, but that swooping sensation that is real flying. It is not a fantasy of mine to fly. When asked what superpowers I would want, flying is never on my list.
Today I had a realization. Fear. Yeah, that's obvious. But the truly real thing for me is that I do not have any faith in flying that does not involve falling, getting hurt and/or dying. None.
There was a moment, when I almost did. When I tried very hard to believe in it. When maybe I believed it.
So today when I watched Lois Lane fly with Superman, again, I began to cry. I remembered my dad.
I remembered being a thirteen year-old-girl on the back of a motorcycle, my arms around my dad's waist and my face pressed against his back. I can feel the muscles of his back and stomach. I can feel the strength in his body and spirit. It isn't the ride that is the thrill for me. It is that belief. That belief that my dad is powerful. That my dad can make even this -- this dangerous thing of hurtling down the road with no protection -- my dad can make even that safe. The mantra in my head is that this is safe because my dad would never let anything bad happen to me. He loves me and I trust him.
That is what it must feel like to fly with superman.
I wish I still believed. I miss it.
Today I had a realization. Fear. Yeah, that's obvious. But the truly real thing for me is that I do not have any faith in flying that does not involve falling, getting hurt and/or dying. None.
There was a moment, when I almost did. When I tried very hard to believe in it. When maybe I believed it.
So today when I watched Lois Lane fly with Superman, again, I began to cry. I remembered my dad.
I remembered being a thirteen year-old-girl on the back of a motorcycle, my arms around my dad's waist and my face pressed against his back. I can feel the muscles of his back and stomach. I can feel the strength in his body and spirit. It isn't the ride that is the thrill for me. It is that belief. That belief that my dad is powerful. That my dad can make even this -- this dangerous thing of hurtling down the road with no protection -- my dad can make even that safe. The mantra in my head is that this is safe because my dad would never let anything bad happen to me. He loves me and I trust him.
That is what it must feel like to fly with superman.
I wish I still believed. I miss it.
